Why Can't You Feel Happy?
What Aren't People Happy?
When you’re living below your potential, or when bad habits have a hold on you, happiness is a struggle.
Maybe you don't like your life and that makes you unhappy.
But when it comes to your potential, your habits and your life, they all start with YOU.
The truth is that what's REALLY making you unhappy is how you think, and what you do.
How you think determines who you will become.
If your views and attitude are harsh, happiness likely won’t be a regular state for you.
When you obsess or feel anxious over small things you fill your mind with apprehension.
Relax and focus on what's good. Don't give too much importance to any one thing, and your happiness increases.
What to Do When You’re Unhappy
If you’re unhappy you have 3 choices;
- Stay unhappy
- Move your body and get active to change your state
- Redirect your thoughts and focus to change your state
Most of the time unhappiness is a result of your thoughts and associations.
When your current mood is out of line with what you think it should be the gap creates an absence of satisfaction and content.
So if happiness and unhappiness are largely self-created, how do we become happier?
Here’s Why You Aren't Happy
There could be a lot of reasons why you aren’t happy.
Some live inside your mind, others are manifested in the outside world.
With the right mindset, you have the power to change both.
When you cut these things from your life your levels of happiness will increase.
1. You Compare Yourself to Others
Comparing yourself to others is a waste of your time.
First of all, how do you know they’re not unhappy or going through a nightmare in their own personal life?
How do you know they wouldn’t prefer to live your life?
No one's life is perfect. People you see on social media that look like they’re living an ideal life are usually the ones that are the most messed up.
You’re not comparing yourself to that person, you’re comparing yourself to a false idea of who that person is.
When you feel like you don’t measure up you feel inferior, which leads to unhappiness.
How do you overcome this?
Set personal standards and conditions and measure yourself against results.
Forget about other people and what they’re up to. Don’t waste your time. Focus on yourself.
Ask yourself these questions;
- How can I be a better version of myself?
- Which characteristics would the ideal me have?
- What would my ideal lifestyle look like?
- What steps do I need to take now to make this happen?
Compare yourself to who you used to be, not who you think someone else is.
If you don’t like where you are you need to get clear on what you want and take insane action to make it happen.
2. You're With the Wrong People
Who you spend time with is who you become.
When you spend time around negativity you start to become negative.
When you spend time around positivity and success you become more positive and successful.
The choice is yours.
If you want to be average, hang around with average people.
But if you want to live an above-average life you need to distance yourself from negativity and mediocrity and move towards positivity.
If you don’t have a positive peer group yet, you can create a virtual one for now.
Books, biographies, videos, and audios that expose you to people of excellence will start making new neural connections in your brain.
When the new connections take hold they lead to new thoughts and behaviours.
Over time, those thoughts and behaviors create an entirely new reality.
When your life circumstances align with who you want to be and how you want to be living, your happiness starts expanding.
3. Your Habits Don't Support You
Your life is a sum total of your habits. How you think, behave, treat people, eat, work, relax.
They all form your personality and your life.
If your current circumstances aren't what you want them to be it’s your behavioural patterns that are holding you back.
Think about it. Any outcome is the result of a certain set of inputs (thoughts, actions, responses, etc.
If you plug in better inputs you would get a better result.
When there is a gap between who you are and who you want to be, it produces dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
When you have bad habits that you know aren’t good for you, but you do them anyway, it starts to eat away at your self- esteem.
Integrate better habits into your life you'll start getting better results.
Your life starts to move in a more desirable direction, increasing fulfilment and happiness.
4. You Don't Have Goals
Goals give your life structure, purpose and meaning.
Without them you drift through life like a jellyfish, going wherever the tides take you.
Setting goals prompts you to get clear on what exactly it is you want. That in itself feels good.
But even better is making measurable progress towards your goal.
Ask any successful high achiever and they’ll tell you.
While achieving a goal is great, the real inspiration is the feeling of accomplishment along the way.
Starting with a thought, then through your own effort and self-discipline making it a reality is the zenith of self-fulfillment.
If you can develop the skill to do this on purpose there's nothing you can’t have.
5. You're Half Assing It
Not living up to the ideals you have for yourself leaves you feeling empty and unhappy.
Few things are as painful as self-shame and regret.
How can you feel good about yourself when you’re only a small portion of what you could be, letting yourself down again and again?
If you have dreams of being strong, but never work out, or owning a business but never doing anything to make it happen, how can you feel good about yourself?
Your levels of personal fulfilment are directly linked to how you see yourself and how you think.
Your self-identity is the seed from which your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors sprout, which grow into something called your life.
The longer you leave it the harder it becomes. If you’re not who you want to be, you need to
- Decide and get clear on who you want to be
- Figure out how/what you need to do to get there
- Make a simple plan of action and execute your plan
6. You Waste Time Online
Social media’s a downer. Firstly it’s all fake.
The image people portray of themselves, the news alerts that go viral, the so-called “facts” that are spread via shares and reposts. All fake.
There have now been countless studies that link excessive social media use with increased levels of depression, particularly for younger people.
Social media is essentially a tool that shapes people's thinking and then sells them products and ideas that align with that fabricated mindset.
That's how consumerism works.
You can’t live through someone else's life. Why would you even want to?
Think about all the hours you’ve spent on social media watching dumb videos, reading stupid posts and following people you don’t even know.
It's like intentionally programming your mind with garbage and expecting to be productive and successful. Won't happen.
If this applies to you, lighten up or even better, cut it out of your life completely.
Do this and you'll notice your spirits lift.
7. You Can't Define Happiness
Before you can get what you want, you need to know what it is.
If you want to be happy it helps to define just what that means for you. Not for anyone else. For you.
Once you can identify what being happy means for you, you can start to take the necessary steps to move closer to it.
Wandering aimlessly through life without having clear guidelines and standards for the emotional states you want to experience leads you nowhere.
Happiness is a moving target.
What made you happy in the past might not make you happy today.
That’s why it’s important to be able to define what it is so you know it when you find it.
8. You Have a 'One Day' Mentality
“Someday” And “one day” never come.
If you’re waiting for X to happen before you feel happy, you’ll never be happy.
Sure you might get X, but the happiness that comes with it will be short-lived at best.
The simple truth is that you can feel happy right now. Happiness is a chemical reaction created by your thoughts and physiology.
Have you ever felt low and then suddenly found yourself feeling better, even happy again?
That’s because you changed your point of focus.
You took your conscious attention off what was bothering you and put it on something else.
Why can't you do this on a more regular basis? The answer is you can.
Sometimes it's more difficult and you have to try harder.
But you do have the power to feel happy now independent of what you have or don’t have at that moment.
How Do You Find Happiness?
If your subconscious mind believes that it's unacceptable for you to live in a state of unhappiness it will find another way to be.
Raise your expectations and expect more from yourself.
Do more of what you enjoy and less of what you don’t.
Having goals and a purpose and making progress towards them inevitably leads to self-satisfaction and more positive states.
You choose to be happy by getting fed up with being unhappy.
That's when you can start making a life you feel proud of and happy about.
Only You Can Make You Happy
Think of something right now that you could feel happy about. Then another, then another.
That’s what happiness is. Focusing and giving attention to things that make you feel good over and over.
Over time your mind automatically starts to focus in that direction and the other stuff fades into the background.
Being a happier and more positive person is a lifestyle choice.
Only you can make that choice for yourself, so what are you waiting for?
Quotes About How to Be Happy
“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” - Albert Camus
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” - Buddha
“It's a helluva start, being able to recognise what makes you happy.” - Lucille Ball
“It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” - Dale Carnegie
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” - Epictetus
“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.” - Dennis Waitley