Think Your Ex Still Finds You Attractive?
By Nat Martin, M.Couns&PsychTh
1. They Want to Spend Time With You
If your ex still wants to spend time with you, it means in some way they still find you attractive enough to want to be around you. The majority of breakups aren’t pretty.
The breakup is full of drama, and then the ex-couple don’t even want to speak to each other anymore. But if your ex still wants to hang out with you, and you’re ok with it, that indicates there’s still a connection between you, and they still find you attractive.
2. They’re There to Help Out
If your ex is offering to help you out when you need something, they’re showing you they have positive feelings towards you and still like you enough to want to help you out.
If you can’t stand someone, you’re not going to offer your help to them. But if there’s still an attraction between you, even after a breakup, it might be worth thinking about keeping them in your life.
3. They Prefer to Be Alone with You
Being alone with someone is way more intimate than, say, hanging out in a group of friends. If your ex plans to spend time alone together or suggests just the two of you meet up, there’s some attraction going on.
Being alone with you gives your ex a chance to speak about personal things with you, gauge your feelings for them, or even make a move on you if their attraction is strong enough.
4. They Flirt With You
Flirting is a clear sign that your ex is still attracted to you. People won’t flirt with you if they don’t find you attractive, especially your ex-partner. Flirting tests the waters by seeing how you respond and if you reciprocate the flirt.
Your ex will flirt with you for no reason other than they still want you and find you alluring. If their flirting is met with indifference or rejection, they’ll back off.
But if they sense the feeling is mutual, it tells them you’re attracted to them also, and they can escalate the interaction to the next level.
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5. You Experience Life Together
Profound experiences bring people together. Death, Birth, Travel, and accomplishment are all experiences that strengthen the bonds between people. When two people experience a significant event together, they form an invisible connection that can last for the rest of their lives.
If you and your ex shared experiences that affected and shaped your lives, there would always be a level of attraction between you. It won’t always be sexual attraction, but if two people are connected emotionally or mentally, sexual attraction is usually part of the deal.
6. They Step Up Around You
‘Stepping up your game’ means raising your standards or the purpose of becoming a better version of who you used to be. A funny thing happens in relationships, particularly long-term relationships. After a while, people let their standards fall.
When he was single, the guy who had the gym body lost his motivation to train after being in a relationship for a while and becomes less attentive or spontaneous. After a breakup, we often take stock of ourselves and identify the parts of ourselves we’ve let slip.
If they’ve stepped up their game, they want you to see them as the person they were when you met and became attracted to them, not the person you decided to break up with.
7. They’re Respectful and Kind
Kindness is a way of saying, “I like you.” If you had a strong connection in your relationship when things were good before you broke up, there’s likely some of that connection still exists between you. If your ex is being respectful and courteous to you, more so than a friend would, they’re sending a message.
They’re still attracted to you and showing you why you should consider having them back. The choice is yours. You’re not a puppet letting your ex pull your strings.
You have the freedom to choose whether it’s worth having another go or choosing to leave the past where it is and focus on a new future.
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8. They’re Nice to Your Family
Your family and friends significantly influence you, whether you realize it or not. If your ex is being nice to them, they want to cultivate good vibes and hopefully ally themselves with your people as a way of getting closer to you.
If your friends are telling you, “they’re ok, you should think about giving them another go,” you’re way more likely to consider reigniting the relationship than if they tell you your ex is a rude jerk who you should delete from your life.
9. They Say it, But Don’t Say it
If your ex says they’re attracted to you through their actions, tone of voice, and a sparkle in their eye, but they haven’t come straight out and said it with words, you should read the message.
People reveal more through their behavior and nonverbal communication than they ever could with words. If you have a gut feeling they’re trying to communicate their feelings in ways other than words, it’s likely your ex is still attracted to you.
10. They Act a Bit Different
We act differently when we’re around people we’re attracted to. It’s funny how we can be at total ease with someone we’re not attracted to, laughing, talking, and showing our personality, but clam up when we’re with someone we are attracted to.
If they’re acting a little more rigid or nervous around you, there’s probably a reason for it.
11. They Tell You Straight Out
This is the best way to go about attraction. Tell them you’re interested and you want to get to know them. People spend too much time being uncertain about what this sign or that sign could mean, they waste precious time and energy.
If your ex tells you straight out they’re still attracted to you, it might be uncomfortable (if you don’t feel the same), but at least you both know where you stand.
Before you get caught up in the moment, remember the reality of being in a relationship with them and the reason you broke up in the first place.
If you think it’s worth another shot, go for it! If not, be honest about your feelings with them, turn to face the future, and live with passion!
Things to Remember
If your ex still wants to spend time with you, it means in some way they still find you attractive. If your ex is offering to help you out when you need something, they’re showing you they have positive feelings towards you.
Being alone with someone is way more intimate than, say, hanging out in a group of friends. People won’t flirt with you if they don’t find you attractive, especially your ex-partner. Profound experiences bring people together.
‘Stepping up your game’ means raising your personal standards. Kindness is a way of saying, “I like you”. Your family and friends significantly influence you, whether you realize it or not. People reveal more through their behavior and nonverbal communication than they ever could with words.
We act differently when we’re around people we’re attracted to. People spend too much time being uncertain about what this sign or that sign could mean, they waste precious time and energy.
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“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are” – Donald Miller
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed” – Carl Jung
“One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else” – Wayne Dyer
“To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship” – Domenico Cieri Estrada
“Love is a game that two can play and both can win” – Eva Gabor